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‘She married to get a better life, I married to get a better life’: Men who live with mail-order brides reveal what life is REALLY like

February 27, 2019

Mail-order brides certainly come with their stereotypes with the subject popping up in sketch shows including Little Britain. 

However, despite some of the prejudices that come with the concept many men still look to the web to find their perfect bride.

In a new thread on Reddit users have shared their experiences of the online wedding service with stories ranging from the bizarre to the heart warming.

User Smenards admits that although he is aware that his arrangement is unusual his relationship has worked out well.

He revealed: ‘I married a mail order bride. I went online and started chatting with maybe 100 Filipinas live on yahoo chat. 

‘I liked one in particular after a few months- I had a real, almost paranoid fear of scammers, so I picked one that seemed like the opposite of a scammer- she was not in makeup, was not wearing sexy or no clothes, was not living in pampanga (sex tourist destination) did not ask for money, etc. 

‘Video Chatted with her for 6 months 4 hours a day to make sure it would work out. Went there 5 times over 6 more months, it worked out well, brought her to the US and married her.

‘We have a little girl. We get along pretty good. I know that she married me to get a better life. I married her to get a better life, so that’s OK with me.’ 

Other confessions came, not from the husbands of the mail-order brides, but from those who knew the brides themselves.

User YerMomsASherpa revealed: ‘I dated a girl whose dad had a mail order bride. It took them two months to figure out why she wasn’t learning anything from her English classes. 

‘Turns out the school had messed up and put her in German. You can’t make this s*** up.’

Sugarbombs recalled the harrowing tale of a bride she had known in college who did not share a particularly positive experience. 

Speaking of the bride she wrote: ‘She was Thai and the more we got to know her the more she shared about this relationship, she was late 20s and he was at the lower end of 60. 

While some of the stories shared were upsetting others were heart warming with children sharing stories of their parents meeting through mail-order bride agencies

‘The guy essentially wanted one of those stereotypical Asian marriages where the wife was subservient and existed to please their husband. 

‘She would tell us he would make her wait till he was done to eat and he would only let her eat ‘ladylike’ foods like salad, he payed her a monthly ‘salary’ which was pretty abysmal and she had to use that for clothing and other essentials.

‘He also wouldn’t let her go anywhere by herself and would drop her off and turn up an hour before classes ended in case we got let out early to drive her home.’

Sugarbombs went on to explain how the young woman had asked her fellow students for help when her husband began destroying her contraception.

She said: ‘I think the saddest part was when she asked a bunch of us if we could get birth control pills for her because her husband kept destroying her scripts/pills, and you could tell she was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant.’

 They were both looking for a better life, and someone who would treat them better than past partners had. And they both got that

In another story of a poorly treated wife josh_the_misanthrope said: ‘Some guy in my small hometown married a Filipino “mail order” bride. 

‘Guy was kind of a creep and it didn’t last. She left him and got a minimum wage job at a fisheries shop (grueling work for no money). She cried when she got her first paycheck, she couldn’t believe how much money it was.’

Several other users shared stories about their fathers remarrying mail-order brides after divorcing their mothers.

In one heart-breaking admission user BeetShrute said: ‘My dad too. He was 50 something, she was 19.. I was 29. 

‘Have a 4 year old half sister I’ve never met residing in the Phillipines. Dad’s replacement kid and wife and I’ve not seen a photo or heard anything from him again.’ 

In another confession user manyshaped shared a bizarre instance where his friend’s father had gone on to recreate their family to an extent.

He said: ‘My best mates dad did something similar. He dumped his first family (friend, his sister and mum) moved to texas, got married, possibly bigamously and named the kids of that marriage the sames as the kids he had abandoned.(sic)’ 

In another equally weird story user ThatJuiceHead recalled a tale of his father’s wife becoming increasingly paranoid.

He said: ‘She was a shut in and was legitimately afraid of me because she thought I was smoking pot. 

‘It was a weird dynamic. If I was home she stayed in her room, unless I had been in my room for an extended period and she deemed it safe to get food from the kitchen. 

‘The few times we crossed paths she would see me, gasp and then run to her room. My dad never saw this as a problem. He basically catered to her every want and need. Also I should mention he was 56 and she was 29.’

While some of the admissions saw families torn apart by brides met online others were bought together by them. 

Dragonflie shared her touching story: ‘Although my parents were always too ashamed to admit this to anyone but myself and my sister, my mom was a “mail order bride” about 23-24 years ago. 

‘This was before all the online companies that do this, so my father had to find my mother in a sort of magazine catalogue of Filipino women. He sent her letters, and she replied, over the course of a year. 

‘They finally met and my mom moved to my dad’s tiny hometown, got married, and they had two daughters together (one being myself). 

‘They were both looking for a better life, and someone who would treat them better than past partners had. And they both got that.’ 

While some stories were on the emotional side, other raised a few laughs among Redditors.